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Thursday, September 06, 2007

49 USES FOR A FLUTAPHONE NUMBERS 9-13

Astute readers will note that my first entry in this list was for
numbers 1 to 5 and I’m suddenly at number 9.


That’s because Janice and Apple took pity on a befuddled old
man and contributed 6,7, and 8 in comments.


If anyone else is likewise moved to such kindness, feel free to
send your use for a flutaphone right along!




9. Flower holder- for when you visit the ancestral grave. Stick
sharp pointy mouthpiece into the ground and your flowers into
the other end of the flutaphone.



10. Bookmark-When you have to leave your chair for a moment
to ask the librarian to find you another genealogy book in
the stacks.
NOTE- DO NOT LET THE LIBRARIAN SEE YOU DO
THIS!!



11. Bookfetcher- That particular tome on a shelf you can’t quite
reach? Using the pointy mouthpiece end, gently rock the book
loose and down.


12. Bookcatcher- See above. Quickly reverse the flutaphone to
catch the falling book on the wide-ended mouth. If the
librarian notices, tell her you are practicing balancing the
books.

13. Eartrumpet- For when a librarian starts yelling. Insert
narrow end in ear after REMOVING the pointy mouthpiece.
Remember, catch any books before they hit the floor if you
were performing uses numbers 11 and/or 12 when the
librarian started yelling. Turn wide end towards librarian
and say “Eh?”

For some esoteric reason, my spellchecker wants to change
flutaphone to glutathione.

Some late night message from an ancestor about chemicals, maybe?

1 comment:

Janice said...

#14 Backpatter - to pat your own back when you have solved a particularly difficult family genealogical mystery. Caution: do not run while performing this action, or you may put your eye out.

J