IF I RAN CHRISTMAS 2016...

...these are the rules I'd make.


Christmas sales and advertising would be banned until the day
before Thanksgiving.


Black Friday would start at 9am local time sharp. No midnight
madness. No lines at store doors at dawn. People would instead
spend more time at home with their families and store personnel
would not have to leave Thanksgiving gatherings early because
they need to go prep the store for opening.


Shoppers would behave in a mature, civilized and orderly fashion.
If the store has run out of some item the shoppers would not
treat the salespeople as if they have suddenly become the spawn
of Satan but instead would move on to the next items on their
shopping list.



No national chain stores open on Christmas Day. Christmas is
Christmas, period. Forget about sales for one day and let your
employees enjoy the day with their families. Mom & Pop stores
can open but half the day only so that folks who run out of milk or
butter can get some quickly and easily.


People would hold doors open for other shoppers and give up
their bus seats to senior citizens. Young children would not throw
temper tantrums and older children would not curse at their
parents.


Everyone would have someplace to go to and someone to be with
on Christmas Day. No one would be alone and no one would be
cold or hungry.

Drunk drivers would be unable to start their cars and so have to
take cabs or other means of transportation.


All our Armed Forces would be home to safely celebrate the
holidays with their loved ones.

There’s much more that could be added, I’m sure. But I’d be
happy with these for starters.

((First published in 2008))

2012 Update: I've added a new one:
There'd be no commercials using Santa to sell cars.


And no commercials with Christmas carols sung badly and loudly
off key for supposed "comic effect". (Are you listening, Target?)

2013 Update: A few more new ones:
NO THANKSGIVING DAY openings. The sales can wait until
after midnight.

No more Michael Bolton car commercials. I'm doing this for you,
Michael. Things can't be so bad you need to do these. Have some
self respect!

And while we're at it, no more Ron Burgundy car commercials.
They were funny at first, but now they're tiresome.

And another thing about commercials: I'd limit how many times
each commercial could be played an hour. Playing the same
commercial three times in ten minutes would be penalized
by being sent to the "penalty box" for twelve hours.

That's it for now. I'm sure I'll have more by next year!

2014 Update:

Things have improved greatly!  No Michael Bolton car
commercials! We are not being bombarded by the same
commercials being shown three times in a row.

However....the Joe Boxer pajama bottoms commercial
involving men pounding their beer bellies like kettledrums
has to to!

2015 Update: 
There has been very little to complain about this holiday season.
But there is one minor annoyance: the car commercials with
the salespersons basically hostages to the couples taking test
drives. Wouldn't the car dealerships call the police when an
employee and car have been missing for hours? Why aren't
the salespeople using their cellphones to call for help?

Well, at least Michael Bolton isn't along for the rides!

2016 Update:

This one is for all our sanity:
No mention of presidential politics between Christmas Eve and Jan 2.
Everyone step back, take deep breaths and be kind to each other.
And for God's sake, someone freeze a certain person's Twitter account
until after New Year's Day!